Person of faith? Or faithfully agnostic?

Last night a good friend called me with a theological question on his mind. He called me "being a person of faith, or someone who respects agnostic debate" (my apologies if I've quoted this incorrectly.)

The question on his mind wasn't what troubled me about the conversation, but the fact that he called me "a person of faith." Frankly, I'm not sure if I can live up to the expectations and assumptions that come with those words. It leaves me wondering what being "a person of faith" means, and whether that's really an appropriate term for me.

In the defense of my friend, he knows me to be someone that thinks about theology and spirituality quite a bit. He also knows about my involvement with churches and faith communities, and knows the books I've read, as he's been forced to read just a few of them. And I'd have to agree, that if I was in his shoes I would think that "a person of faith" might be the right way to put it. So why does it leave a lurching feeling in my stomach when I think about it?

Part of the answer lies in the general public view of faith. Today the term "Christian" means many things to many people, but a look at the news often presents Christianity as a hardlined political force bent on influencing public policy. Last years election is real strong evidence for that. But it doesn't account for the diverse community that does not fit with these assumptions. I'm thinking directly of State Senator Frank Morse in Oregon. The man calls himself a Christian, and a Republican no less, yet he not only supported, but helped sponsor a bill that would legalize same sex civil unions in Oregon. The extremely conservative factions of Christianity have attacked him for his stance, which put him in an intersting position, and allowed him to use his own faith as his reason for supporting the bill. The convictions of faith are so fluid and confusing that two opposing groups can cite the same faith as the groundwork for their beliefs, and come to drastically different conclusions.

That may be one reason for my churning stomach when someone used "faith" in a sentence directly related to me, but there's more to it than that. The very idea, the notion of faith, be it christian, buddhist, jewish, muslin, whatever, the very notion assumes the idea that the individual places some hope, some idea on greater power. Suddenly my convictions stand on shaky ground. Professing beliefs that I'm not ready, or even equipped to prove or support leaves me incredibly uncomfortable. And yet, merely professing an intellectual agnosticism doesn't really fit my own world view.

I do not take comfort in an all knowing being looking over me and loving me, but I have a tremendous amount invested in the questions of the universe. I put a great deal of stock in the questions, so much so that I almost place my faith in them. I get through life, hanging on to the questions, leaving me not merely agnostic, nor intellectually spiritual.
My conclusion has led me to embrace the term "faithfully agnostic."