I am Captain Jack Sparrow! And I dislocated my knee...

So this is pretty much the best thing ever. This dude tried to break into a coffee shop in Lakewood, Wash., and failed miserably. So the owner takes the security camera footage and makes a hilarious video.

I'm told the pirate burglar has turned himself in, and ended up with a dislocated knee, which doesn't sting quite as badly as being broadcast on YouTube for all to see... oh the embarrassment.